I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you didn't have any balls.

Ladies, don't let this shock you but MEN HAVE NO BALLS.

Ok, yes, they have those ball shaped things they like to sratch in public and play with a lot when they are at home watching TV they wouldn't tell their mama about, but when it comes down to it, they just don't know what to do with them.

They should be more than just toys.  They should make you a man.

Instead, lately every man I have met seems to just completly have no balls.

It is very frustrating being single.  We spend weekend after weekend, workday after workday going to the bars, getting set up on blind dates, meeting people from match.com (Remember this guy) , flirting until we are beyond exhaustion.  All I expect back from men is a little honesty. 

I know.

I should stop myself right there.

Honesty.

Really???

Ha.  That's a joke.

But hear me out, let me tell  you my side of the story.  I'm tired.  The rollercoaster of dating is thrilling: one minute you are riding up that first hill.....the anticipation of what is to come is exhilerating, your palms are sweaty, your heart is racing, you can feel the excitement building.  Then you go down that first hill screaming....."this is great, I love it, its going so well!"  It's the second hill that gets you every time.....it, like all men, has no balls.  It kills you.  You think its going to be alright, then....nothing.  No thrill.  No follow through.  Nothing.  No balls.  But wait.....the ride does not end after the second hill.  There are usually twists and turns and some mini ups and downs after that "no ball" second hill.  You stay on the roller coaster because, well you are strapped in and they say when you get on "Please keep your hands and feet inside the ride until it comes to a complete stop" so I think getting off in the middle is frowned upon.....but why do we stay on the dating roller coaster?  The answer is simple: we are waiting for the thrill of the first hill again.  We hang on, gripping the ride with all we have waiting to feel that excitment. 

What we really should be doing is jumping off mid-ride. 

Example A)  I met a handsome guy a couple months ago out at a bar.  We chatted, exchanged numbers, met up a couple of weeks later with some friends, hung out all night, went out on a one-on-one date a few days after that....this is all the first hill people.  Things (in my mind) were going perfectly.  I got home from the date and told my mom on a scale of 1-10 it was a 14.  He had texted me before I made it home and told me how great of a night it was and how we would do it again soon.  All promising signs, right?  Wrong.  Don't let this fool you.  It's two months later and I still have not seen him.  Don't get me wrong.....we have talked.  Multiple times.  It's always "How are you?  What are you up to?  We will have to get together soon!"  Really buddy???  Really!?!?!?!  I mean, you are wasting my time and yours by talking to me for 2 MONTHS and not going out with me.  If you didn't have a good time, or didn't want to see me again, GROW A PAIR and just be HONEST.  Don't text me, don't respond when I text you, just have some balls and tell me you don't want to see me....but don't keep me on your rollercoaster because you are afraid you will hurt me if you kick me off.  Guess what, I'm pretty tough, I can take it.  Why don't I get off of the ride on my own you ask?  Well, when I got on they strapped me in and told me I wasn't allowed off until it stopped.....so, ya, I'm gonna need you to kick me off.  I hate that I'm always a little optimistic for the thrill of the first hill, but until you grow a pair and tell me its not coming, I'm gonna stay on the ride.  I know, I'm at fault too.

Example B)  Blind dates.  I think we can all agree they are terrible.  However, if you ask me out for one, I'm gonna show up.  What I'm not going to do is e-mail you the day of a date that I scheduled and tell you that I will be at so and so place with my friends if you wanted to stop by.  A blind date it awkward enough, let alone if I am walking into a bar and meeting you and 10 of your friends who I also don't know.  Grow a pair buddy and meet me on your own.  I know, I'm awesome and that might be a bit intimidating, but really, get your shit together. 

I could go on...and on...and on and on and on, but I won't.  I will simply end with this.  Men need to stop playing with their balls and learn how to use them.