If I had a dollar for every time I have been hit on or pursued by someone who has either a wife or a serious girlfriend I would have.....well, probably only like $8. But still, that is more than I should be able to collect. This got me thinking, do we always want what we can't have?
It is human nature to think that someone always has it better. We are always striving for more and just when we think we might be content we see something else we want. Just as I settle in to my newest Coach bag, I see a friend with a Louis and I'm like "Dammit, that looks way better!" When it comes to dating, this part of our nature makes things tricky. Some of us are blinded and never know who might be coming after us.
I'm single. Whoa, I know I just threw some brand new information at you. (Please tell me that someone said that in their best Phoebe voice?) Anyway, as a single person I guess I assume that when I am out and meeting new people I will be flirted with by other single people. If you are going to ask me out then I am going to assume you don't have a significant other. This is apparently my first big mistake in dating. I know I have talked about this craziness before, but apparently it's still happening.
I met a gentleman a few months back through work. He came into my office to sell some shit, I told him I didn't want anything and graciously told him not to bother coming back. Problem was, he was cute, so I secretly did want him to come back even though I didn't want what he was selling. At the time I couldn't think of a work appropriate to say, "I don't want to buy your product, but if you are selling yourself I'll put in a bid" so I let him walk out. A couple of months later, he came back. We chatted, maybe even flirted a little, and then I told him that I still didn't want his stuff. A few more weeks later we emailed, flirted more, exchanged numbers, and he asked me to lunch. We had a lovely yet slightly awkward "business" lunch where we were trying to gauge if the other thought the meal was more for business or pleasure. When afterward he texted me that I had smelled nice, I figured that it had been a pleasure lunch. I gave myself a pat on the back and smiled because a good date is worth smiling for. I had my reservations, but I always like to give people a chance. Besides, being told I smell good is like an instant turn on for me. I'm a smell person, I like to smell good and if a man smells good I immediately start to drip.
We started chatting regularly.....if Monday through Friday 8-5 was considered regular. What I mean by that is that I never heard from him outside of work hours. I thought it was strange, but he did have kids so I was optimistic (again, optimism is always my downfall) that maybe he wanted to spend his nights and weekends uninterrupted with them. Our workday chats were getting more flirty each day and since we could not find a night we were both free we planned to have another lunch. This time there was no question in my mind that it was a date and not a business lunch. We flirted the whole way through, and had he not had to drop me back off at my office I am completely confident that we would have made out in the car. There is something about making out right out side your bosses window that puts a damper on one's libido. The Holiday's were coming up at this point so we both got busy but planned on seeing each other soon. Then he stopped talking to me. I let it fade because let's be honest, I'm tired of chasing people and He's Just Not That Into You made it very clear that if a guy wanted to see me he would make the effort. So it faded out. Or so I thought.
Last week he randomly asked me to lunch. I was busy and didn't really see the point so I politely backed out. Yesterday he asked me to meet him for a drink. Again, I was busy and it was last minute so I said no. I could have left it at that, but I was really curious as to why after two months I was now hearing from this person. I had long ago come to the conclusion that he was still married and spent his nights and weekends playing monopoly with his lovely wife and kids. I mean, after all, that would explain the no night or weekend texts and the sudden disappearance. In my mind he had just decided that he didn't want to cheat once he took notice that I was not "the other woman" type of girl. Did I let my imagination run away with the excuses I made up for him? Probably, but that's what we women do. We make things up to help us feel better about why some guy decided to stop talking to us. So anyway, I decided to ask him why he wanted to take me out. I'm pretty sure he was shocked by my question but he replied with a string of compliments about me and then said he enjoyed my company. He was curious as to why I asked my question. I politely told him that it was my experience that when you don't hear from someone for weeks that it was because they had blown you off. This is where it got interesting. He replied "No, I am not blowing you off at all! But if I am being honest I have been seeing someone and it recently has become serious so that does put a little bit of a wrinkle in things."
A WRINKLE IN THINGS??? First of all, there isn't anything to put a wrinkle in. Second of all, an hour ago you asked me to meet you for drinks?!? Maybe I'm dumb, but "serious relationship" doesn't usually mean "have drinks with another woman." There were multiple questions running through my mind, but instead of asking I just ended the conversation. What good was it going to do me to find out why he wanted to take me out when he had just gotten serious with someone else.
Have you ever gone car shopping and in the back of your mind even though you ended up buying the Lincoln MKX you secretly wanted the Mercedes? Then one day you drive by the Mercedes dealership and think to yourself, "What the hell, I can take the ML350 for a quick ride." I am the Mercedes in this scenario. I didn't get purchased, but somehow those who aren't even looking for something new think its okay to take me for a test drive. Problem is, I don't want to be test driven, I want to be bought. I don't want to be the car you keep thinking about in the back of your mind that every now and then you run to for a quick ride. This is the problem with men I come in contact with. They all own Lincoln's, and they don't realize that they can't afford to have both cars.
For now, this Mercedes is going to get detailed and continue to look like the best thing on the lot. One of these days someone is going to be shopping for exactly what I have to offer.
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