Dating is hard. Double dating is damn near impossible. It only gets worse when you have friends like mine.
I would like to start by making it clear that I love my friends. I am very blessed to have the people in my life that I do. It's just that sometimes you want look at those you love, douse their socks in GHB, and stuff them in their mouth until they pass out and can't talk anymore. Yes, this may be a harsh punishment, but I am in my 30's and single.....I need to make sure my dates don't get told things I don't want them to hear!
The prime example of a situation where I wanted to drug my friends into quietness happened a few years ago. I had been dating MAB for about a month and decided that I wanted him to start to meet those who were important to me. I didn't want to overwhelm him with a large group of everyone all at once, so I figured a nice dinner with another couple would be a great start. I set up a dinner with my friend (I'll call her Beauty Bitch) and her husband (Soccer Boy). It was Beauty Bitch's birthday so I thought it would be a fun night.
It did not go as planned.
I feel like at this point I should give you a little back story. If you have read my postings before you know that I was married. While I have yet to discuss that time in my life in detail, I have mentioned it. Well, when I began dating MAB I was still married. Now, hold on before you get out the Scarlet A's and sew them to my skin. I had been separated for 2.5 years. Yes, looking back I should have been quicker about filing for divorce and making it legal, but I was afraid. I didn't want to be 25 and divorced. I let the perceived stigma scare me from making a move. I lived in a different city from my ex, so when someone asked to set me up with MAB I decided I was ready to see what was out there for me. As you know, I fell hard. Maybe it was because MAB was the first person I dated since the separation, or maybe it was because MAB really was that fantastic. I'm not sure. What I do know is I liked him. A LOT. So, when we started seeing each other I wasn't exactly sure how to handle the whole "Hey, remember when I'm actually married" thing. My choice was to ignore it. Again, looking back, maybe not the best choice, but it's what I did. I figured until we had the talk about being serious it was information that I didn't need to bring up. We hadn't been together that long and had no talk of being boyfriend/girlfriend (ugh, I hate those terms, I mean it makes me feel 12 years old). So, when it came time for my double date with MAB, Beauty Bitch and Soccer Boy I made sure to tell the latter two not to mention that I was married. I politely told them that I had not discussed this part of my life yet with MAB and I would appreciate it if they didn't bring it up. I mean really, why would we be talking about that anyway? I was sure nothing would come up, I just am over casous.
I went into dinner feeling excited and nervous. I really wanted MAB to like these two, and vise versa. It was important to me. We got to the restaurant and the night went downhill. Fast. First of all, I was paying. It was tradition that I take my friend and hubby out for their birthdays to the restaurant of their choice. We usually pick a nice place with average dinner prices. Apparently the only times we had been to this restaurant in the past had been with our parents. AKA: when we didn't care about prices. Now, I am not cheap; however, I was thrown off knowing I was going to be paying for four people after I looked at the menu. Not my friends fault, they apologized for picking a pricey place and it really didn't bother me. It was just a surprising start to a rough night. After a glass of wine or two and some friendly "getting to know you" bonding moments things loosened up. I guess they loosened up too much because Soccer Boy forgot the rules about not mentioning me already belonging to another man and he blurts out "Oh, it was like that one time at your wedding....." I froze. Did he really just say that??? Maybe no one heard it??? I quickly gave him a dirty look that was meant to say ummmmm hey dude, remember when this hottie doesn't know I was married??? REMEMBER THE RULES?!?!?!
Soccer Boy clearly didn't get it. Moments later he again said something pertaining to me being married. I was mortified. At one point when MAB got up to go to the bathroom I almost leapt down Soccer Boy's throat. I thought he was going to shit his pants.....the look on his face was priceless. I knew he felt awful, but the damage had been done. We gracefully went on with the evening only to have Beauty Bitch insist I try part of her dinner which lucky for me had an ingredient in it that I was allergic to. Yes folks, not only were my friends trying to embarrass me, they were trying to have me killed off from asphyxiation too! Awesome first double date. I spent the rest of the evening with MAB drinking liquid Benadryl.
As it turns out, MAB was clearly confused and didn't make the connection of what Soccer Boy had said. He found out about the whole "being married" thing a couple days later when I had recovered from my Benadyl haze and we were visiting at my sisters. She had a wedding picture up of me. Subtle. No hiding from that. We discussed it and he laughed it off and just told me I was going to be paying for that one for a long time. I took that as good news because that meant we had a long time together to make me pay for it =) See, always an up side!
There are multiple morals to this story: 1) Obviously be honest with your dates or your friends will be for you (on purpose or not). 2) If you have the balls to double date, kicking under the table is acceptable when your friends fuck up. 3) Don't take yourself so seriously, if someone doesn't want to date you because of something from your past then it's their loss. I'm awesome, baggage and all!
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