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Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Blowjobs for Brackets

I'm not married.  But I know how it works.  You need the garbage taken out and you don't want to do it.....you bargain.  Honey, I will give you a nice bj if you will just take out the trash.   I've heard this is a fool proof plan.  Want the dishes done?  Blow job.  Shit needs done around the house?  Blow job.  Men are simple; offer them sexual favors and you can get what you want. 

I'm single.  I take out my own trash, do my own dishes, and pretend to fix my own shit when it breaks.  I can basically do it all.  I'm super intimidating, and thanks to my battery operated "boyfriend" a lot of days I can get by all on my own.  I might talk to myself at night when I'm lonely and fake conversations with a non-existent lover, but that's besides the point.  I'm self sufficient.  Until it comes time to fill out a sports bracket.  Now, I am a chick that loves sports.  Throw me in front of a football game any day and I'm happy.  Baseball: I mean come on, its the all American sport!  Hockey: Hell yes, they can fight!  Soccer: Those guys are dreamy.  Basketball:  I'm dumb.  I don't know why, but I just don't enjoy it as much as the others.  I try, and I cheer, and I get into it come playoff season, but all in all it's not my favorite.

Last year at work we had a bracket going and I wanted to enter.  I am one of a few females in my workplace so I really wanted to do well since I'm super competitive.  The problem was I had NO idea how to figure it out.  That shit is confusing!  So I solicited help from this guy I was....ummmmm......not dating.  I'll call him "The Gambler".  We had been not dating for a while, much to my dismay.  He was an asshole.  I unfortunately figured this out much too late in the game.  I know, I know, you're thinking in your head "What, she dated an ass???  Impossible!!  She has such great luck!!!"   Anyway, I needed some assistance with my bracket and The Gambler not only had a thing for sports betting (can I pick the winners ladies???) but he also happened to be a basketball aficionado.  What did I do?  I sent this text "Blowjob for bracket help?  Stop by tonight, I need help and I'm willing to make it worth your time."  Now I know what you might be saying...whore!  But I promise you, I'm not.  I mean, married peeps do it all the time!  I needed something that I thought only a guy could help me with so I was willing to do what I needed to get the help.  It was really a win win situation.  For a few moments spent on my knees I would get bragging rights at work.  Totally worth it. 

Lesson learned here:  Married people are not the only ones who can solicit sexual favors to get what they want.  Men are simple.....with the offer of a bj on the table anything is possible.  Know your powers ladies, and use them accordingly.  I may not have won the bracket, but the effort put in was well worth it. 

P.S.  I am kinda bummed it looks like there is no basketball this year, hehe.  While The Gambler might be long gone, the idea is still phenominal. 

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