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Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Some weekends make you ask WTF???
This past weekend got nuts. What started as a nice Friday night with my favorite vampire (hello Breaking Dawn Part 1!) ended with me looking at my friend and asking "How did this weekend happen?"
I had a date-ish planned for Saturday night. Yes, I meant to say "ish." I was not really counting it because my counterpart was from far away.....isn't there a rule about if you are in a different zip code it doesn't count? Oh, wait, maybe that is just for sex and cheating? I'm not really sure. Either way, I wasn't counting it as a full fledged date. We met, we drank, we fooled around, we drank, we danced, we snuggled, we slept. 12 hours of bliss. His yummy accent only made it that much better. We said our good morning's and planned to meet later in the day to hang out before he went far away again.
I quickly drove home, reluctantly washed his delicious smell off me (TMI.....sorry.....shit, no, I'm not sorry, I like the way boys smell and I'm not ashamed of that), and I got dressed for some football! After I grabbed a friend we headed to a bar for some pre-gaming. In case you are not a football fan, this usually includes rowdy drunk people at 10am. It's great. While at the bar some fellows started talking to myself and my friend. Now, I hesitate to say they were flirting because I am a TERRIBLE judge at that since I just assume everyone is ultra nice and just being conversational, but an outsider might say that we were getting hit on. Oh wait, an outsider actually did assume we were being hit on....he actually assumed one of the men was my boyfriend and backed away sheepishly when he got yelled at for trying to steal me away. I almost started a bar fight y'all! Once I informed the 2nd gentleman that the 1st was not in fact my boyfriend but just some guy who I had literally just met who was buying me drinks he decided he would fight the fight and try to steal me. He won. We ended up talking, laughing, drinking a little, then enjoying some football together. After giving him my digits, I had to leave him stranded because I was supposed to meet my date from the night before to watch some more football. Yes people, this actually happened to me. I had to make up an excuse to leave one hottie to go hang out with another hottie! REALLY? When am I EVER this popular!?!?!?! While watching the game with my date from Saturday, I received some texts from the new guy. I mean, my pheromones must have been on fire this Sunday, everyone wanted me!
When the game was over I very sadly said goodbye to my hottie with an accent. Ugh. Good-bye's SUCK. As I was sulking from my good-bye while at the same time reliving the excitement of being a hot commodity among the men of the day, I saw someone I did not want to see. You might remember the guy who prompted me to write this post about men having no balls. He was example A, and as it turns out was not getting together with me all those months because HE HAD A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND! Yep, that's right. Again, I'm attractive to those who are taken. Mind you, his GF status did not stop him from texting me all the time, telling me he wanted me, and saying he wished he was single. So, as I'm walking around I see him....with his GF. Awesome. I send him a texty text (How I Met Your Mother reference) and said something that made it known I could see him. He replied in a panicked "Oh shit, where are you?" After a couple messages he asked me to rescue him. I replied with a sassy "I didn't know you were being held hostage.....grow a pair and rescue yourself." I mean really, I can't help you get out of a situation you do not want to be in, you have to be man enough to get out yourself. Besides, I want a real man, someone who isn't afraid to go after what they want. This guy is clearly still a boy....either he is lying to me about wanting to be with me because he thinks he can keep me hanging on, or he is lying to his longtime GF about wanting to be with her. He can't have both. I made it easy, I let go.
This weekend while unexpected was amazing. I remembered something that I have actually always known. Confidence is sexy. I have been lacking some confidence lately. You get knocked down enough in this crazy world of dating that you forget just how awesome you are as an individual. You let it get to you, you let it affect everything about you, you forget to be you. This weekend, I remembered. I am sure nothing will come of any of the relationships I worked on this weekend, but I don't care. It doesn't matter because in the time span of 36 hours I remembered who I am, why I'm awesome, and why some man is going to be very lucky to have me some day. After all, who wouldn't want a chick who loves to be naughty when appropriate but is still someone you can count on to always offer a smile to help you get by.
Lesson learned this week: I'm a hell of a catch.
I had a date-ish planned for Saturday night. Yes, I meant to say "ish." I was not really counting it because my counterpart was from far away.....isn't there a rule about if you are in a different zip code it doesn't count? Oh, wait, maybe that is just for sex and cheating? I'm not really sure. Either way, I wasn't counting it as a full fledged date. We met, we drank, we fooled around, we drank, we danced, we snuggled, we slept. 12 hours of bliss. His yummy accent only made it that much better. We said our good morning's and planned to meet later in the day to hang out before he went far away again.
I quickly drove home, reluctantly washed his delicious smell off me (TMI.....sorry.....shit, no, I'm not sorry, I like the way boys smell and I'm not ashamed of that), and I got dressed for some football! After I grabbed a friend we headed to a bar for some pre-gaming. In case you are not a football fan, this usually includes rowdy drunk people at 10am. It's great. While at the bar some fellows started talking to myself and my friend. Now, I hesitate to say they were flirting because I am a TERRIBLE judge at that since I just assume everyone is ultra nice and just being conversational, but an outsider might say that we were getting hit on. Oh wait, an outsider actually did assume we were being hit on....he actually assumed one of the men was my boyfriend and backed away sheepishly when he got yelled at for trying to steal me away. I almost started a bar fight y'all! Once I informed the 2nd gentleman that the 1st was not in fact my boyfriend but just some guy who I had literally just met who was buying me drinks he decided he would fight the fight and try to steal me. He won. We ended up talking, laughing, drinking a little, then enjoying some football together. After giving him my digits, I had to leave him stranded because I was supposed to meet my date from the night before to watch some more football. Yes people, this actually happened to me. I had to make up an excuse to leave one hottie to go hang out with another hottie! REALLY? When am I EVER this popular!?!?!?! While watching the game with my date from Saturday, I received some texts from the new guy. I mean, my pheromones must have been on fire this Sunday, everyone wanted me!
When the game was over I very sadly said goodbye to my hottie with an accent. Ugh. Good-bye's SUCK. As I was sulking from my good-bye while at the same time reliving the excitement of being a hot commodity among the men of the day, I saw someone I did not want to see. You might remember the guy who prompted me to write this post about men having no balls. He was example A, and as it turns out was not getting together with me all those months because HE HAD A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND! Yep, that's right. Again, I'm attractive to those who are taken. Mind you, his GF status did not stop him from texting me all the time, telling me he wanted me, and saying he wished he was single. So, as I'm walking around I see him....with his GF. Awesome. I send him a texty text (How I Met Your Mother reference) and said something that made it known I could see him. He replied in a panicked "Oh shit, where are you?" After a couple messages he asked me to rescue him. I replied with a sassy "I didn't know you were being held hostage.....grow a pair and rescue yourself." I mean really, I can't help you get out of a situation you do not want to be in, you have to be man enough to get out yourself. Besides, I want a real man, someone who isn't afraid to go after what they want. This guy is clearly still a boy....either he is lying to me about wanting to be with me because he thinks he can keep me hanging on, or he is lying to his longtime GF about wanting to be with her. He can't have both. I made it easy, I let go.
This weekend while unexpected was amazing. I remembered something that I have actually always known. Confidence is sexy. I have been lacking some confidence lately. You get knocked down enough in this crazy world of dating that you forget just how awesome you are as an individual. You let it get to you, you let it affect everything about you, you forget to be you. This weekend, I remembered. I am sure nothing will come of any of the relationships I worked on this weekend, but I don't care. It doesn't matter because in the time span of 36 hours I remembered who I am, why I'm awesome, and why some man is going to be very lucky to have me some day. After all, who wouldn't want a chick who loves to be naughty when appropriate but is still someone you can count on to always offer a smile to help you get by.
Lesson learned this week: I'm a hell of a catch.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Halloween is the Superbowl for Drinking
I love Happy Endings (and not just the TV show hehe). I mean for reals y'all, that show is amazeballs.
This past week there was one line in the show that really stood out to me. I didn't necessarily notice it at the time, but after my Halloween night out came and went (with a couple minor falls, some harmless face to face flirting, and an expensive international texting phone bill) I remembered what was said on Happy Endings "Halloween is the Superbowl for drinking." My Saturday night proved that statement to be true.
Now, don't get me wrong, I have been known to get a little crazy from time to time (I have pictures in a blue inner tube while walking around town to prove it), but in general I keep my drinking very controlled. I get to my happy place and stay there. I like the happy place. Three drinks in and I'm louder than normal (shocking), slightly more touchy (again, shocking since I'm super touchy to begin with), and I'm super fun (this is an obvious statement). Saturday night I was in my happy place. I can't say the same for the people at the other end of my texting line.....they seemed to be beyond a happy place. It was awesome. I heard from a multitude of men whom I have either gone out with once, a couple times, or even had some sort of dating relationship with. I will not say how I replied to these messages, but I will show you a couple examples.
Man 1: I bet you look super sexy tonight. Damn it, the nasty things we could be doing together. Ugh.
Man 2: Where do you want me to cum? (Mind you, I did not use cum in my initial text.....I used come....there is a difference)
Man 3: Can I borrow your body later?
Man 4: I wish I had pics of you. Luckily I have a photographic memory. You are hot/sexy/and have a great smile. How are you single? I don't know.
Yes, this actually happened. My question is how? I mean, four different people.....mind you only one of whom I have actually gotten naughty with. Do I blame it on the a a a a a alcohol? (I hope everyone rocked out like Jamie Foxx when they read that!) I woke up Sunday and at some point went through my messages from the night before just to see if I remembered correctly the things I thought I had read. YUP! I did. Getting messages from so many different people who at some point through the night told me how awesome and sexy I am was a great feeling; however, it made me think that it must just be the drinking.
Now, here is the part where you say "Girl, damn, you have restraint!" I'm a horny girl. We all know this. Being single and horny is SUPER FUCKING HARD because you don't get to benefit from being horny. I'm basically in my sexual prime and the only people benefiting are the people who make batteries. I go through Double A's like most people do a gallon of milk. It's rough, but thank God for vibrators. Saturday I was propositioned from all over the place and I restrained. (Pat on the back for me thank you very much). I'm waiting for one of the four (or even someone new) to prove that he is worthy of my awesome/sexiness. Until then, I have my B.O.B. (Battery Operated Boyfriend), an unlimited supply of Double A's, and some fun texts about what people would do to me if given the chance. I have an imagination, I can picture it happening. I just look forward to the next night where I am everyone's object of affection so I can get some new material to read off my phone. Until then, I will leave you with this.......
Man 4: Maybe we can enjoy each other's nakedness? =)
This past week there was one line in the show that really stood out to me. I didn't necessarily notice it at the time, but after my Halloween night out came and went (with a couple minor falls, some harmless face to face flirting, and an expensive international texting phone bill) I remembered what was said on Happy Endings "Halloween is the Superbowl for drinking." My Saturday night proved that statement to be true.
Now, don't get me wrong, I have been known to get a little crazy from time to time (I have pictures in a blue inner tube while walking around town to prove it), but in general I keep my drinking very controlled. I get to my happy place and stay there. I like the happy place. Three drinks in and I'm louder than normal (shocking), slightly more touchy (again, shocking since I'm super touchy to begin with), and I'm super fun (this is an obvious statement). Saturday night I was in my happy place. I can't say the same for the people at the other end of my texting line.....they seemed to be beyond a happy place. It was awesome. I heard from a multitude of men whom I have either gone out with once, a couple times, or even had some sort of dating relationship with. I will not say how I replied to these messages, but I will show you a couple examples.
Man 1: I bet you look super sexy tonight. Damn it, the nasty things we could be doing together. Ugh.
Man 2: Where do you want me to cum? (Mind you, I did not use cum in my initial text.....I used come....there is a difference)
Man 3: Can I borrow your body later?
Man 4: I wish I had pics of you. Luckily I have a photographic memory. You are hot/sexy/and have a great smile. How are you single? I don't know.
Yes, this actually happened. My question is how? I mean, four different people.....mind you only one of whom I have actually gotten naughty with. Do I blame it on the a a a a a alcohol? (I hope everyone rocked out like Jamie Foxx when they read that!) I woke up Sunday and at some point went through my messages from the night before just to see if I remembered correctly the things I thought I had read. YUP! I did. Getting messages from so many different people who at some point through the night told me how awesome and sexy I am was a great feeling; however, it made me think that it must just be the drinking.
Now, here is the part where you say "Girl, damn, you have restraint!" I'm a horny girl. We all know this. Being single and horny is SUPER FUCKING HARD because you don't get to benefit from being horny. I'm basically in my sexual prime and the only people benefiting are the people who make batteries. I go through Double A's like most people do a gallon of milk. It's rough, but thank God for vibrators. Saturday I was propositioned from all over the place and I restrained. (Pat on the back for me thank you very much). I'm waiting for one of the four (or even someone new) to prove that he is worthy of my awesome/sexiness. Until then, I have my B.O.B. (Battery Operated Boyfriend), an unlimited supply of Double A's, and some fun texts about what people would do to me if given the chance. I have an imagination, I can picture it happening. I just look forward to the next night where I am everyone's object of affection so I can get some new material to read off my phone. Until then, I will leave you with this.......
Man 4: Maybe we can enjoy each other's nakedness? =)
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