So, I haven't written lately. Holiday time for this single chick is rough. I got married in December.....I got divorced in December.....my birthday is in December. Each year that passes where I'm left still single reminds me that thousands more eggs have dissappeared from my body. Did you know that by the time you are 30, 90% of your eggs are gone? So ya, I'm basically left in my mid thirties with only janky old eggs left. Should I place my order for "The Crazy Cat Lady Kit" and call it a day? Maybe. Should I go to Ambiance and get a new vibrator and celebrate being able to make myself cum quickly as opposed to having to wait for a man to figure out how to do it for me? Definitly.
So, in the spirit of letting you know that some days I'm super glad I can errrrrr "do it for myself", I decided to tell a story of one experience where I really wish I had spent my birthday alone with my B.O.B.
A few years back I was dating someone who I would call emotional and needy. Actually, I'm pretty sure that's putting it lightly. He was kind of a mess, but I like projects and fixing things, so I thought it would work out great. Don't get me wrong, he was a lovely person and someday he will find someone who is right for him, it's just that the someone was not me. I'm pretty sure even he knew it wasn't me because when we were having birthday sex one night he decided to call me Sarah. Yes, I know most of the people reading this don't know my name, but I can assure you it is not Sarah. Nor does it sounds anything like Sarah. So, anyway, there I am laying with my legs in the air pretty confident my boyfriend had just called me the name of his baby mama. I wasn't completly sure I heard correctly because it was one of the few times I was moaning (I'm generally awkwardly quiet during sex, it's something I'm working on). Anyway, even though I wasn't completly sure, I had totally lost my lady boner. He on the other hand continued on babbling random things and moving on like nothing happened. Thank God he was just about finished when he said it and I was able to quickly put my clothes on and escape to the bathroom. I washed my face, and then met him downstairs where he was all set to give me my birthday gift. As if calling me the wrong name wasn't a gift enough!
Anyway, as I was opening the gift I couldn't stop myself from asking what had just happened. I bluntly said, "Did you call me Sarah when you were climaxing?" His face went pale and just when I thoguht we was going to vomit he looked me right in the eye and said, "No! I said sweetie." I knew he was lying, he knew he was lying, if the stupid NintendoDS he was giving me for my birthday had a lie detector test on it he would have failed. I just sat there, and asked again. This time with tears welling up in his eyes he admitted to the mistake. I asked him to leave. He cried. I told him it was my birthday and I didn't want him around for it. He cried. He begged for forgiveness, I threw him out of the house. Maybe Sarah would forgive him, but not this chick. Funny thing is, that is one of only a very small handfull of birthday's that I have had a boyfriend. I have very low expectations for my birthday for many reasons, you basically just have to remember it's my birthday and I'll get on my knees. But even I want to be called by my name.
Truth: I didn't even masterbate this year on my birthday. Me, not masterbate! I know, crazytown, right? I lost the drive to get myself off. HAHAHAHA jk That will never happen. But while this year I didn't get to ring in the new year with a bang (literally) at least I was with people who all knew my name, and for that I'm eternally grateful.
